Why Me?

We want you to know that we were personally right there with you on this same journey, and we understand how you may be feeling. We know that there are many causes of infertility but regardless of your diagnosis, I think we all find ourselves asking the same questions: “Why is this happening?” “What’s wrong with me?” “Is there something wrong with my spouse? Our relationship?” “What do I need to do better?” “How can I be a better person?” “What do I need to fix in myself in order to become a ‘suitable’ parent so God will tell us it’s our time to conceive?”

My husband and I struggled for 3 years with infertility. It was undoubtedly the hardest time of my life. We had already been fortunate enough to have one child but we wanted more. There was a piece of our life, and our hearts, that was missing, and we couldn’t seem to be able to find that missing puzzle link.

For a long time I felt so alone in our journey. No one seemed to understand what I was feeling. Yes, my husband and I were in this together, but it’s hard not to take it personally when it’s YOUR body that you feel is failing you and your partner. After you become diagnosed with infertility, you tend to become keenly aware of certain situations all around you. I think the #1 question we all ask ourselves is, “Why me?” I tried not to go there but it’s so hard not to when you see all of these women conceiving when they don’t want their babies, yet they continue to get pregnant. When this is happening all around us, it’s hard for society to understand the concept of infertility. After your first date they ask when you’re getting married. On your wedding day they ask when you’re having kids. When you’re in the delivery room recovering with your first child, they are asking how long you’re going to wait to have your second. All of these questions seem innocent, but no one stops to think that maybe these aren’t ok questions to ask.

That maybe this isn’t the natural progression for some couples, and maybe there are some complications. Or maybe it just isn’t as easy for some as it is for others. After we had our first child the questions came soon after. “So when are you going to have another one?” And when they ask, you put on the best smile you can muster and try to think of an answer. We just started saying, “Whenever God decides it’s time. We keep praying.” Because answering “well we just did our fourth IUI and found out this morning that it didn’t work” doesn’t seem like an appropriate in-passing response, at least without getting a raised eye-brow and a mumbling of words in response. 

This scenario is so much more common than you realize if you aren’t on this same journey yourself, and it’s one of the reasons we started our non-profit Hope Against Infertility Inc.. We want to spread awareness around this disease to those who may not understand and give hope and compassion for those who are struggling with it. We want to help by being your support. We want you to be able to connect with us, and with others, who have either struggled with infertility themselves, or can provide assistance in another way along this journey. You are not alone. We are 1-in-8. We are strong. And we can do this together. You no longer have to feel like you need to hide behind this diagnosis. There is no shame in it. It is a very real thing, just as diabetes, cancer, or other illnesses are, and we are here for you, as a network of support and encouragement.

Nikki